Or: How Barfrogamew Hops Became a Gentleman Pirate
There’s a time in every frog’s life when they realize exactly what they were put on this planet for. And for young Barfrogamew Hops he knew from the moment he left his egg the three things that he was meant for: learning, wearing elegant clothes (especially wigs! Wigs were the best part) and helping others.
Unlike the other frogs, Young Hops was born knowing there was a bigger world outside of his pond. But he didn’t yet have the legs to crawl out and explore, so he had to settle for the books he could read on the subject. There weren’t a lot of books in the pond, only those left there by Old Tad, a frog that had been a sort of grandfather to the pond but had long since passed away. Hops took every chance he could to read these books and dream about the adventurous world beyond his shores… unfortunately many of the books Old Tad had left had deteriorated over time and so it didn’t take long for Young Hops to finish all of them. After that he spent his days daydreaming about when he would grow his legs and leave the pond for good, finding adventure with every step.
But poor Young Hops developed slowly and he had to watch, day after day, as the other frogs grew their legs and left the pond first. He tried to follow them, but his body wasn’t developed enough and he kept sliding back through the mud into the pond. He thought the day he finally left the pond would be a joyous one, but when he finally did… things were different.
The tadpoles he had grown up with were now full fledged frogs and the real world had… hardened them. Whereas the tadpoles that he’d grown up with loved to hear everything Young Hops read about, these frogs scoffed at his book knowledge. They’d already explored the world outside the pond and concluded it wasn’t anything very exciting. The pond was better. And the tadpoles he’d grown up with had thought his wigs were fun and silly, but now the frogs said they were childish and passe.
Young Hops now slid back down the muddy slope not because his legs weren’t formed, but because the other frogs pushed him back down. He couldn’t understand. No book had described this before… but it almost felt like they enjoyed picking on him.
Young Hops tried and tried again, many times, but the frogs kept him at bay. He became more clever, but also more ruthless. Finally, one day, he’d had enough. He took clothes to dress like the other frogs, big serious pirate coats and angular hats, no frills. He waited as a new frog stretched his legs for the first time and started up the muddy bank of the pond. And Young Hops… well (and he’s not proud of this) he knocked the young frog back down into the pond. And suddenly the other frogs changed their opinion of him. They welcomed him with open arms (and complimented him on his serious coat, angular hat and no frills).
And perhaps that would have been it for Young Hops, but he looked past his new ‘friends’ and saw the look on the young frog that he’d pushed. A confused look. One that Hops had had on his face plenty of times before. Ashamed, Hops left the pond behind, rushing into the surrounding woods.
Unsure of himself and the larger world, he spent the next few years striking out further and further. The pond had taught him that there was a lot you couldn’t learn about in a book. And if you didn’t know about something, then it could hurt you. And he didn’t want to be hurt again, so he kept his big serious pirate coat and his angular hat with no frills. Whenever he met someone new he moved quick, never wanting to be the one who was hurt first. After all, if they were scared then they couldn’t see how scared he was.
This life allowed him to see much of the Monster Coast. He eventually acquired a ship of his own, Ribbit’s Revenge and used it to plunder towns all across the ocean. And over time his pirate coats become more and more serious, his hats more and more angular and as always, no frills. This armor kept him safe.
Until one day he and his crew were chasing down a merchant ship, deep into a terrifying storm. Hops wanted to turn back, but to do so would mean showing his crew that he was scared, so he pressed on. The storm got worse and worse, until eventually a wave swept up and their ship was lost.
Somehow Hops managed to survive, washing ashore on a small island. He was found by a local and brought to a large house overlooking the ocean. Hops was nursed back to health by an army of servants, and throughout it all he never once met his rescuer. The closest he got was learning that the owner of the house was a Mr. Bonnvert.
Knowing that he’d lost his fortune with the sinking of the Ribbit’s Revenge, Hops decided to steal some of the fine silver he knew his rich host had. That was the only way to pay a downpayment on a new ship. And so once he’d regained his strength, in the middle of a stormy night, Hops snuck from his room and went to the grand hall. The banquet table was filled with all kinds of silver and Hops started to stow it in a bag, but heard a sound behind him.
It was the host of the house.
Hops was shocked as a flash of lightning illuminated Mr. Bonnvert. In all of his travels Hops had seen all manner of creatures - giants, robots, talking vegetables, calculators, abominations - but never, since leaving the pond, had he seen another frog.
The old Mr. Bonnvert introduced himself as the gentleman Tad Bonnvert and Hops was even more shocked to realize that this frog was Old Tad, the frog whose books Hops had read as a tadpole. Hops was ashamed, having been caught by Old Tad in the midst of stealing his silver. But Old Tad laughed it off and offered him the silver anyway. And then Old Tad inspected Hops’ clothes, the serious pirate coat, the angular hat and offered him something else instead.
They wandered through the mansion until they got to a secret room, inside which was all of Old Tad’s pirate treasure, from his years sailing the Monster Coast as a young frog. But he marched past all of the gold and treasure and instead pulled out a wig (an amazing wig) and offered it to Hops. There wasn’t much the young frog could do to keep from crying. Somehow, despite it all, this old frog had seen right through him and knew exactly what he was really missing.
Over the next few months Old Tad educated Hops on how to carry himself, dress himself, and how to treat others. It took Hops awhile, but slowly he stopped wearing his serious coat and his angular hat. He found coats and hats that gave him the same joy he’d had as a kid.
When it was finally time to go, Old Tad presented Hops with a book and a letter. Written across the front of the book in gold letters was Tad Bonnvert’s Guide to Being a Pirate Gentleman. And right on the first page, scribbled in ink was a note from Old Tad: A gentleman is not a gentleman, if not for others.
Hops returned to his pond. Most of the frogs he had known growing up had returned to the water, and been replaced by new upstart frogs, always pushing the weakest frog back into the pond.
Barfrogamew Hops was amazed by how unfazed he was as the frogs hurled hurtful comments his way. They looked so young and naive. Everything they knew about the world could be seen from that spot. He took a barrel of sand and dumped it over the muddy banks, making it easier for the young frogs to climb up and when the mean frogs tried to stop them… well, they had to deal with Mr. Hops, a true gentleman.
Barfrogamew Hops built a little library next to the pond, hoping that maybe one or two frogs would get curious enough to give them a try and who knows, maybe follow Hops out into the wider world (the wider world always needed more gentlemen, after all). Hops couldn’t stay, he had plenty to do. Pirate or gentleman, it all came down to helping those who couldn’t help themselves. And he had some fascinating ideas on societal norms he was eager to test out. He just needed a place to enact them. Luckily the letter Old Tad had given him was from a pirate spouting much of the same ideas… A pirate looking for others to help him build a city to welcome all. Sovereignty City it was called. And Hops had heard they had a good library too.
